Daniel James, why I must eliminate him

Ever since I was a young boy I’ve been known as Daniel James. In fact to this very day I go by the same name, like many others, it was decided that I shall have two first names. It’s a not so exclusive club however I am among the likes of Daniel Craig, Steve Martin, Cliff Richard and Alexander Bunyip. I don’t have a problem with having two first names or anyone that is in the same club, except for one person – Daniel James!

According to the United Nations, there are over 32,000 Daniel James’ in the world.* This poses a problem for me in that it’s annoying!  Currently and historically there are Daniel James’ littered through time and space and I wish they would fuck off!

One of the Daniel James’ I have most contempt for is the christian “rocker” who has several releases on Itunes. A couple of years back I recorded an EP and set forth to distribute it as widely as possible. Having become an Ipod nut I was thrilled to see my EP on Itunes, what I wasn’t so thrilled about was that Daniel James was already their with several releases to our name. I was sharing my market share!  I am happy to report however that I am the number one selling Daniel James on Itunes, so up yours Jamesy!

A much harder battle to win is that of the danieljames.com wars as they are now known. Living in the antipodes I’ve fortunately secured a com.au address. However the gong for .com goes to, you guest it, Daniel James. Daniel’s bio is as follows:

“Daniel James is one of the most sought-after comic Hypnotists today. Daniel’s career began in 1980 when he joined National Assemblies, an entertainment bureau in Hollywood, California. Daniel performs in over 400 schools and universities across the country each year.”

While it is comforting to see that at least one Daniel James has performed in both school and university, it would seem that except for .au I could easily be mistaken for a middle aged comic hypnotist that apparently get’s paid to hypnotise school children. The list goes on, there are .org, .net, co.uk etc etc.

I mean no ill will toward my fellow DJ’s but they’re in my way and as anyone knows it’s Daniel James’ way or it’s no way at all.

*Simply not true